...Probably because he never knew that I would put on my mermaid pants,jump in the ocean and come out clean without any trace of the scaly paraphernalia as evidence.(Have I significantly creeped you out yet?)
Last time I happened to give only a shady view,mere empirical data.I never got around to establish what kind of a drunk I am-which is quite difficult to demarcate-but, one which I believe,can be aptly described by a Bengali saying we have.Roughly translated it stands at- “Drunk by nature,Sober by practice” ;)
“Better me than a horny frat boy,” was what my father had said when he mixed me my first drink.I had slept well that night.(Author's note:I'm not sure horny was the word he had used-but I guess it does add pizazz to the dialogue and make my dad seem a whole lot cooler.)
You see,my association with alcohol has always been with one singular purpose-“Let’s get piss drunk”.How much is too much was never a point to considerUnderstandably,I have a lot of growing up to do.But here’s the fun and tragic part-it takes me one hell of a lot of the happy juice to go from Buckingham Palace guard to Mr.Wobbly Man.Meanwhile on the trippy road,I enjoy getting other people drunk and watching them act out the painted fool in them.I mean,I don’t do it on purpose(so what if I did?Hell’s a lot hotter than Heaven anyway)-there are people who know how to conduct themselves,there are people who don’t.And it’s not taking advantage if the trapeze tricks from barstool to neighboring tables are voluntary.
Half-way across the channel we conclude:I’m a sadomasochist drunk with a conscience-which, in a way, negates the sadomasochist part and begs that I be better educated about the definition of the said term.
Also,when alcyhol goes tingly toes into my system,my senses become heightened-almost like a temporary genetic mutation into some creepy spidy-woman.Scratch that.The only thought that buzzes around my head-and successfully kills the buzz-is that I MUST return home sober(if I'm planning to return<---read:threatened at gunpoint that I absolutely must)-Or I’d be sleeping forever in a coffin that most definitely wouldn’t be mahogany,nor lined with velvet cushions.
Three-quarter way in:I’m a scared drunk,or-hardly drunk at all.
And last but not the least, the Magic Eraser drunk.
My entire persona-I’m a goofball and a hunchback with a warped sense of humour-which blurs the lines between my sober slurs and drunken drivels.This is a Divine Gift,my friend.Absolutely Heaven Sent on a winged horse that probably farted scented rainbows.How can you let it go to waste?You Mustn’t.
(Power to you if you can figure out if this was a sober slur or a drunken drivel ;) )
Till then…
One Tequila…Two Tequila…Three Tequila..floor!more!
