Showing posts with label all the luck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label all the luck. Show all posts

10 August 2011

The Banana Democratic Republic

India as we know it,through various visions of Orientalism is the land of temples,yoga,chai,snake-charmers and food-good,good food and not merely curry.I don't know what variation is meted out to poor souls out of the country,but I can assure you our cuisine,like our Kamasutra, seeks to please and not terrorize.They also do not come with a complementary package of simultanous heart and butt-burn.Remember this the next time you're being duped.
India,however, is also home to pot-holes,sweaty armpits on buses and banana peels.The latter is about to play an important part in the narrative.
Much as I love the fair (or caramel) maiden called My Country,I often reject such tawdry practices as much disregard for a panda "wide open" with Use Me stamped across it.I believe the problem lies herein-the use of an animal or an ugly plastic imitation of The Wobbly Man as trash cans.The nation could be better trained in the use of a dustbin if plastic cutouts of womenfolk (barring Aishwarya Rai- we never speak too ill of the too plastic or the too pregnant) were used instead.The use of the words "Use Me" would then retain sufficient didactic characteristics and cheap pun veiled or unveiled as chosen to be seen by the "users".No,this is not a feminist rant.Hell,I'm not even one-this is just my injured dignity talking.

I love the rains.They refresh, rejuvenate and considerably bring down the god-damn heat.I also like bananas.But rains,a careless banana eater and me does not a godly communion make.Turns out people have not been fabricating comic relief out of slipping on banana peels all this time.It happens.Happens to us all.Happened to me today.Could happen to you too.The absurdity still hasn't hit me or I'd be crippled with laughter and unable to write this post-but here I am in careful and weirded out contemplation.

It's a known fact in the world where blogs are offline and on hold while unsuspecting people partake in their mundane existence that I am a klutz.I could fall down standing up and doing nothing.I would trip atleast once out on the road and risk loosing all my teeth.Today was no different-except perhaps the usual sequence manifested itself into a magnified form.
Sweta gets off bus,takes a step and WHAM!face down,butt up in the mud.Right in front of my college.For a horrible moment I expected a  goofy T.V douche to pop-out and say "SMILE!You're on *oh GOD NO* camera!"I picked up what was left of my ragged dignity and my cellphone and scurried into the campus-still in shock-still unsure whether too laugh or nurse my throbbing knee.

It happens to the best of us except not the best laugh comes out of it.Sorry,Injured Dignity on the line again.


Who am i kidding?

It's hilarious!



P.s:I'm fine.Ow my knee.

29 June 2011

30 days of Truth # 3- Objection over-rule,over-ruled


Dear  Mr.Hade(Head),



I know you have been pacing the corner office for long,it's a miracle you haven't slipped on the polished floor that reflects back-your good and bad and sometimes unfairly threatens to make you fall smack on your ass.Power to you for holding up with dignity-I know how difficult it is since you are programmed to be a schmuck.But you rise above.
I know the juvenile creature down below sometimes makes it difficult for you.And I know I often go with her.She can be silly at times,so silly that she feels rattling the ceiling with the butt of her broomstick is going to make you go back on your word. 
I know I have been hard on you that time,and many other times-but that time the most.I almost went back on my word and was about to dive head-first into the murky funk again.I'm glad you do most of my thinking for me,for Miss Hart(Heart) can be way too melodramatic and blind for her own good.I'm sorry I doubted your intentions when you whispered and then blew the trumpet in my ear,telling me to live for me  and to get the hell out-for nothing really comes out of a relationship where you are the standing circus freak with a tattered motley.
I need to forgive you and me both, for the ongoing battle that we waged on my sanity,for doubting the best decision you helped me make in my life.I've hurled profanities at you and myself-delusional and lost.
I have no idea what really went on there for 4 years-or,let's just say I did and was probably too high on something nasty to actually SEE it.Your solicited advice has made me realize that no matter where and with whom, in a relationship when you are willing to change too much of yourself for acceptance-it's time to question your value in it,and the impact it has on your life.The rest is unwanted territories I don't wish to cross at this moment,but I'm grateful that you were with me through them.Thank you for holding up my train through the murk and not stuffing my face back in the stifling clay where it often deserves.
I have one more thing to ask of you-forgiveness, if you will-for the bitching,for driving you up the wall at odd hours,the repeated and unlawful attempts to silence you.I had even considered one of Mrs. Lovett's pies out of spite.I have forgiven myself.I had aid,yes,yours most of all.
And,to answer your question-yes I'm happy.

Yours truly,
The Landlady


Dear Miss Hart,

I'm sorry you lost this one.But I need you to stay with me.

Sincerely yours,
The Landlady

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