09 May 2011

16 going on 21

*haul up chains,mush ahead.

from here via we <3 it

The First Kiss
There was always something about a starry sky and fireworks that emanated  the First kiss vibes,for 16 year olds anyway.[Pardon the cynicism,I'm a vile,vile woman]

There I was-not really pretty hovering about average,nervous ,cold feet thankfully no sweaty underarms and according to me, in my first date best.(Seriously,no hideous clothes.)

Never had a boyfriend before.Check.
Hopelessly in love.Check.
Almost a foot taller than me.Toffee coloured eyes.Must gouge out and feed on them.Stop that!Intimidated.Check.
A brand new creature I had known for the last 12 years.Check.
Nervous wreck.Double Check.

And there he was.
I don't know what checklist he ran through his head or maybe it was the kind where you can only choose one option-I'll never know.[Hot?not hot?Skip.]
But,there he was.

A mixture of Davidoff  Cool Water Deep and gunpowder assaulted my nostrils-a smell that has been branded on my senses for the rest of my life.Diwali night, folks and people were going crazy setting their money on fire and watching them make pretty sparkles in the sky or just a few feet above ground.I never really got the thrill.

Except in moments like these.

I bet he was nervous too,'cos he certainly looked it.
Conversations that led to this particular moment in my life played and replayed in my head as we stood gazing at each other in our own soft cocoon where the urban noise of festivity seemed to drown out

Kinda like earphones of particularly top-notch quality.[Bose,if you please.]

Minus the very clinical reference that the 21 year old me is obliged to belch out in order to maintain poise,a plastic "haha" and whatever dignity she has left-I must admit,the moment was quite magical.

I don't remember the distance closing,the beginning of it was abrupt,but what I do remember that it was electrifying for one and welding and bonding for another.There were sweet talks,there were gentle caresses,there was the breeze that blew our hair in each others faces,there was  pleasantly obtrusive,pure ringing laughter.Most importantly,there was love.

Allow me to say it was the most beautiful moment of my life,and the memory of it alone gave me hope and strength to see that particularly wonderful of side of the man I loved and glimpsed that day for the four years of my life I was with him.

Oh,what memories resplendent conversations and good companionship bring up.He'll be reading this,cross legged and with a crinkled brow evidently through a smoke screen - possibly gladder than me that I'm writing again.Not expecting this,not at all.
Not he.

[Oh no,no,no- religious quarters are right over at I-dunno-where-Ville]

Tonight I wear the magic in my heart again and the chase the essence that tugs to escape with every fleeting moment.My fingers do a feverish tango on my clacking keyboard,swathed in memories anew,and renewed.
The memory of that [K]night fades,while raised eyebrows analyse another fallen rider-hooded,caped yet disastrously bare.

The Limbo

from here via We <3 it

When you lower your relationship to the ground and watch dirt pile up on it drenched with finite tears and a dozen dead lilies, all you have left to take back home are resentment,anger,fear and a void for some, and rueful freedom for others.
But then it doesn't have to be that way forever.Not because the feelings die-they'll always be there to burn you if you put your hand or head  in too deep-them smouldering embers of cryptic heartache-but because you must cover the ashpit to covet whatever bit of sanity you have left in you.

The Last Kiss

There I was.
Still not really pretty,still no sweaty armpits[thank god] brandishing a knife that could slice the tension into neat little entrees for fruitful consumption.
I am 21 and logically drowning in an illogical emotion.

And there he was.Not looking away-me smartly boxing his ears and telling him to,yet praying that he wouldn't.

He didn't.

This time however I distinctly remember the distance closing in-slow,painstakingly slow,teasing, unsure-but not any less magical.

It numbed my senses.It overwhelmed me.For the first time in my life I was mute,absolutely and it seemed to amuse him.Much.

I'll abandon the fear of sounding like a groupie and admit my Davidoff-gunpowder tat almost underwent a laser surgery.Visibility almost nil.I'll say that's good,for starters.Vanity thy name is cover-up.

There is something about a man that makes you feel safe.Respected.Something about him that makes you want to cling to him-but you don't wanna scare him away.No,sir.

from here

Of the millions of possibilities my magic ring had to click onto this combination.
What comes next?
Running away?
The other way?
The wait?

Or maybe just carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.

Seize the day
trusting as little as possible in the future.

From we <3 it

For it is tomorrow as we never know it.


  1. "There is something about a man that makes you feel
    safe.Respected.Something about him that makes you want to cling to
    him-but you don't wanna scare him away.No,sir." <---- This is SO true!!!

    Best blog post ever!!!

    Aaaaannnddd??? I missed you!!! :)

  2. These are the posts that makes blogging worth it!

  3. :) :) I'm all back and such :)

  4. :) Thank you..It took me a lot to put it out there.

  5. :) :) AWW thank you!! haha missed you too!! <3333333333







Spread Word