10 February 2011

My Dad never told me how much is too much..



...Probably because he never knew that I would put on my mermaid pants,jump in the ocean and come out clean without any trace of the scaly paraphernalia as evidence.(Have I significantly creeped you out yet?)


Last time I happened to give only a shady view,mere empirical data.I never got around to establish what kind of a drunk I am-which is quite difficult to demarcate-but, one which I believe,can be aptly described by a Bengali saying we have.Roughly translated it stands at- “Drunk by nature,Sober by practice” ;)

“Better me than a horny frat boy,” was what my father had said when he mixed me my first drink.I had slept well that night.(Author's note:I'm not sure horny was the word he had used-but I guess it does add pizazz to the dialogue and make my dad seem a whole lot cooler.)

You see,my association with alcohol has always been with one singular purpose-“Let’s get piss drunk”.How much is too much was never a point to considerUnderstandably,I have a lot of growing up to do.But here’s the fun and tragic part-it takes me one hell of a lot of the happy juice to go from Buckingham Palace guard to Mr.Wobbly Man.Meanwhile on the trippy road,I enjoy getting other people drunk and  watching them act out the painted fool in them.I mean,I don’t do it on purpose(so what if I did?Hell’s a lot hotter than Heaven anyway)-there are people who know how to conduct themselves,there are people who don’t.And it’s not taking advantage if the trapeze tricks from barstool to neighboring tables are voluntary.

Half-way across the channel we conclude:I’m a sadomasochist drunk with a conscience-which, in a way, negates the sadomasochist part and begs that I be better educated about the definition of the said term.

Also,when alcyhol goes tingly toes into my system,my senses become heightened-almost like a temporary genetic mutation into some creepy spidy-woman.Scratch that.The only thought that buzzes around my head-and successfully kills the buzz-is that I MUST return home sober(if I'm planning to return<---read:threatened at gunpoint that I absolutely must)-Or I’d be sleeping forever in a coffin that most definitely wouldn’t be mahogany,nor lined with velvet cushions.

Three-quarter way in:I’m a scared drunk,or-hardly drunk at all.

And last but not the least, the Magic Eraser drunk.
My entire persona-I’m a goofball and a hunchback with a warped sense of humour-which blurs the lines between my sober slurs and drunken drivels.This is a Divine Gift,my friend.Absolutely Heaven Sent on a winged horse that probably farted scented rainbows.How can you let it go to waste?You Mustn’t.

(Power to you if you can figure out if this was a sober slur or a drunken drivel ;) )

Till then…

One Tequila…Two Tequila…Three Tequila..floor!more!

 P.s:What kind of a drunk are you?

23 comments:

  1. I haven't been *too* drunk. When I have enough alcohol, I feel sleepy. And then I will stop drinking. So maybe I'm a lazy-drunk kinda drunk. Haha.

    P.S. Your dad is super cool!! ♥

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  2. :D lol you coming to Calcutta anytime soon ?ever?

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  3. Well, I don't do much drinking anymore. Then again we do have a few years between us in age. My liver thanks me for my taking it easy. My party-life does not. Then again, I remember when I was 17 and I vowed to always be the life of the party. And I can manage to do so while sober, as long as that party is from 4pm - 1am. After 1am I become drunk with sleep and become the designated party pooper. The next morning, I awake with a hangover from nothing other than being up to late. lesigh ... old age does not suit me well.

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  4. For me the frequency is really low-I mostly go out binge drinking during vacations-that too maybe twice,not more.IT leaves me so damn dehydrated that I don't have the energy to even think about it anymore.That's my drawback I guess-a good drunk,and a bad hangover-er.What do ya know? I'm 90 at 20. haha.OH don't worry-when 1 strikes we can poop on the party together :P

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  5. You just very precisely described what kind of drunk I am (was)!

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  6. LOL I don't drink enough to have a drunk "type", but I still LOLed at this post! :P

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  7. Aww.does it give you wings?:)

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  8. Power to moi!:D haha thanks for visiting :D

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  9. You're very much in control :D glad you LOL-ed it just made my day :D

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  10. Nice. Girls using big words... gets me all hot. :)

    I'm also a drinker of epic proportions. I just don't get that drunk, and when I do most people wouldn't even know. Weird, right?

    Unless I'm on a "let's F*ck this town up" spree and drinking grey goose and red bull. Those nights tend to get epic, with me possibly having a footrace with a sprinter from South Africa down a busy street or lodging a toilet on a friend's roof as a prank.

    Nice blog!

    Caleb

    http://calebshreves.blogspot.com

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  11. Hey I would love to.... Maybe someday. I will let you know if I ever come there... where else would I go?

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  12. getting drunk is just the beginning. ;p

    sorry for barging in, and commenting.

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  13. Your dad is cool.
    The first two lines of this post? you killed it. I always read your stuff with a grin. Post more often woman!
    andd.. I don't drink so my comment probably doesn't belong here :P
    but but BUT.. i needed to tell you: you've been tagged for an award on my blog. hop over and check it out ;)

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  14. Haha thank you :) I would..except I think I'd blow up peoples' readers :P Drink or no drink..you can always scrawl some on my corner :) Tell me I'm stupid.Tell me about your day.:)
    OH thank you! I'll check it out soon! :) :) you made my day!

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  15. I have to be careful because one minute I'll be singing show tunes at the top of my lungs, making out with cute boys, dancing the night away... and then one more drink can turn me to a blubbering emotional mess. I am usually aware of this turn though, which is good. I tend to just say my good nights and then run and hide in bed till I drunkenly fall asleep. However, this can be prevented! I can stay at the cosmic horn stage for hours with a sip ot two of a drink here and there as long as I started out the night nice and hard. The only problem arises when the night is over and you really do want to go home with every guy who asks. It's hard to say no.

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  16. haha thats awesome :P
    It's totally weird,and totally convenient haha nobody gets to blow your red nose for you :P
    I've never switched to "let's f*ck this town" mode before..I might have to..sounds fun!

    Thanks :) I s\checked yours out..lol you're funny :D New follower! :)

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  17. Aww..thats why I keep kicking myself into sesnses..bumping into sharp objects helps :PI try to keep painfully aware so that I don't slip..though recently I did.And I was a mess,dear baby jeebus.It really is isn't it?Either way I have a problem with saying no.:P

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  18. Back in my day I used to be a dance-on-the-bar drunk. These days I am much tamer.

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  19. haha sounds awesome :D somehow I never got to do that because of myMUST.STAY.SOBER drunken kicks :P

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  20. You're very much in control :D glad you LOL-ed it just made my day :D

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